Let’s talk… Self confidence!

Helloooo!

Hello again, well isn’t this going to be nice having one of these every week for the foreseeable (I’m very much hoping the feeling is mutual there…) The only thing is, is I feel like I’m going to run out of opening lines soon uh oh… Anyway, I hope everyone is doing okay still!? It’s a bit of a grey old week isn’t it! I’m currently sitting in my bedroom with the lights on at 4pm, such fun! Actually, I’m also sitting looking at something that some of you may remember me mentioning back in one of my very early on blogs; my (supposedly) dead orchid and back to when I was wondering whether to keep it? Well I have an update… that exact orchid is now in fact in full bloom currently, exciting right? Not really, but I thought I’d tell you anyway haha… Although it kind of does match up with the meaning of this post (in a cliché kind of way) which is – Don’t give up on certain things, because they can sometimes spring back and surprise you out of nowhere!

This is a post which I have actually been umming & ahing about writing for some time now and then the other day I posted a story on Instagram asking for some blog post topic ideas and this was one of the requested! So I’ve bitten the bullet, let’s do this…

(Oh and if you haven’t seen my Instagram already… you can find me at @ellamaybeauty)

I wanted to write this post to tell you a bit about me and for the pure reason of; if anyone reading this feels like I used to, I want to reassure you that you will find your feet eventually and I am sure that you are actually a lot stronger than you might initially think right now, honestly! Also the last thing I want to do here is sound like I have everything together in my life (due to the worlds climate, I am in fact far from it haha) or sound like everything is ‘whoopey doo’, because who’s life ever is eh? I think I’ve beaten around the bush here enough now, so let me give you some context…

At the time of writing this, I’m 22 and am attempting to build my own beauty business (however getting a business going which requires close contact, during a pandemic, is proving difficult but I guess it adds excitement right…?) Now if you would have told me this 10 years ago when I was at school, I probably would have replied with something like “No, I can’t do that” or “I think you’ve got me confused with someone else” for purely the reason of; I used to be really quite quiet and shy. At school I wouldn’t have said boo to a goose and spent the first few years of secondary school mostly on my own and mostly because I really was that shy and put too much trust in people initially who I thought were my ‘friends’ (ha! You guessed it… they turned out to not be such good friends after all!) Now, I don’t want this to sound like a sob story here, so just bare with me, there is a point to this… It’s actually crazy and really quite emotional looking back because now I’ve come to realise how much this affected my life for a little while and how much it knocked my confidence and almost had a little bit of a domino affect for a few years afterwards I guess.

Fast forward a few years, I met a lovely group of friends (one of which is still one of my closest friends) and started to build myself up again, however, in my head I always felt like the ‘socially awkward’ one. Whether or not this showed/or people thought this, I’m not sure. Although looking back now, I’m sure it didn’t and it all boils down to the whole ‘who cares what you’re like?’ But this is a lot easier said than done eh! Fast forward a little bit more; I went to college and studied (I bet you can’t guess what I studied haha…?) of course it was – Beauty therapy and Makeup! Little did I know this was the start of a whole lot of good to come…

Before I move on too much, let me tell you a little bit more… I loved college when I was there but I sometimes still felt like slightly the odd one out. However looking back now, I know that I probably wasn’t and I just simply tried too hard to please everyone and realised that you simply just don’t click with everyone! And I really do think that, the sooner you realise this the better. Another personal thing also happened throughout school: I lost someone really close to me sadly. Again, I don’t want to be all doom and gloom but there is context… looking back, this was obviously awful but if there is any good too come out of this, it‘s that it’s made me realise that LIFE IS FAR TOO SHORT TO BE WASTED AND TO BE WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK. The capital letters there are maybe a tad extreme, but you get my gist… and I’m sure lots and lots of people have had this revelation this year too, because I think there’s a global pandemic going on? I think…

Then after college I worked for a couple of years and debated doing a season of working abroad. Then I finally bit the bullet and applied for a job with a company called ‘Neilson holidays’ and I got it! A job as a spa therapist in the south of Italy. Sounds idyllic doesn’t it? And its safe to say that is exactly what it was. The truth is though, before I went for my 6 month stint in the sun, to put it bluntly – I was sh*t scared! But I did it and ended up having the time of my life, and I feel like I wouldn’t be exaggerating too much here by saying that; It changed my life! Now the last thing I want to do here is advise every reader here to do a season just like that (because a. You currently can’t (if you hadn’t already sussed that…) and b. It’s obviously not for everyone and if you can relate to the above, I’m not saying it will solve every single problem under the sun!). But what I do want to say is that, sometimes all you have to do is push yourself out of your comfort zone, take a risk and don’t give up (like the orchid story)! Because you might just surprise yourself…

Anyway, that was 2018 and almost 3 years later, here I am writing this! That was actually surprisingly emosh writing that and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly anxious letting everyone read this, but life goes on haha and like I’ve said above you just have to do it and hope for the best eh… There are several morals to this story, but one of them is: your own worst enemy is often yourself and your own head. Remember that. The person who requested this topic also mentioned the following quote when we had a little chat about what I could include and it stuck with me. It was:

“People are often too selfish to notice every little detail about your life, so don’t worry about what others are thinking, if you can”

I feel like that says it all doesn’t it? I for one need to remember this more often, especially the next time I worry if my hairs a little bit out of place or going frizzy in the damp weather… we’ve all been there haven’t we haha? But I also know that some things will never change and sometimes you just have to accept that. And that’s Just. The. Way. It. Is.

I know a lot of people may feel like this last year has just been a little bit of a sh*t storm, but as I’ve mentioned in other posts, there will definitely have been some good things to come out of it. I also know that this is possibly the most unusual time to write a post like this; when being stuck in doors with minimal interactions for some or on the opposite end of the scale and being completely overworked, this might seem like the worst time to talk about confidence as I’m sure this has knocked a lot of peoples confidence (I know for me, every time I go into a supermarket now, I have to remind myself of how to talk to strangers…), but I’m sure it’s not as bad as you may think and remember one thing-

“The comeback is always stronger than the setback”

That says a lot doesn’t it? Especially about what’s going on now. Try not to overthink things either (I’ll be honest, overthinking should be my middle name really haha…), but it’s only a killjoy and I often now try to remind myself of this. That applies to anything also; whether its work, relationships etc. Because that’s another thing, we all make mistakes and often your gut feeling never lies! Also, this year more than ever, I have come to realise that – if something/someone is meant to be in your life, THEY BLOODY WELL WILL BE! Ooof I need to calm down haha… but you get my point.

One last thing… remember we ALL have off days! I know that when I’m tired I feel I lose god knows how many brain cells (probably not very scientifically correct there) and I start to feel like I’m loosing my marbles and can’t speak straight, but guess what? I bet nobody even ever properly notices! I mean they might have done and they might now I’ve said that, but don’t overthink it. (Ha! That’s rich coming from me but anyway…) The best thing to do is go and grab a glass of water (or coffee), and move on with your day! After all, having self confidence in yourself (just don’t get too carried away with that one haha) and carrying yourself along well can shine much brighter than that shiny forehead you might be worrying about inside your head! If you’re not feeling overly content or feeling very anxious now, remember that sometimes things take time and you will get there. You’ll have off days (if you’re like me, it may be when you’re tired), but don’t give up!

All in all, that was a tad rant’y and repetitive I know, but if it helps one person believe in themselves more so than 10 minutes ago, then that’s me happy! Remember also, you are your biggest critic always and if you were as bad as you made yourself out to be, why do all your friends stick around eh? So go on, give yourself some credit and appreciate how far you’ve come! I wanted to share my story above also purely just to remind you that… nobody is perfect & life is mental, but one day you’ll look back and realise how far you’ve come! Okay you may have a few more fine lines haha, but look, you’re still standing! (Hopefully…)

Okay, I’ll pipe down from my inspirational high horse now and carry on talking about cuticle oil… only joking, I’m off to do my daily stretches and meditation! Oh I actually didn’t mention that, that helps too by the way, just pop your cuticle oil on first and off you go😉

Take care, look after yourselves and remember that supposedly funny look you gave that guy earlier that you’re now overthinking, might have in fact made his day… you never know!

Lots of love, Ella x